9 Lies You Can Be Tempted With in Singleness
By Liz Lampkin, Crosswalk.com
Lies are often defined as untruths. They are inaccurate statements designed to mislead or deceive someone. Some believe that lying can be a good and bad thing to do. For instance, someone may tell a lie to protect someone's feelings or avoid disappointing them. Other's may tell lies to prevent someone from hearing the truth or to have control over them to meet their agenda. Many singles have been subjected to various lies about who they are, their relationship status, and why they're better off in relationships. It's easy to be tempted by many of them and be led to believe that there is no value in living single. However, there's so much value in being single, but it's easy to fall into lies that society has created. Take a look at the list of lies singles have been tempted to believe.
Photo credit: ©Tim Marshall/Unsplash
1. You Must Have a Romantic Relationship to Be Happy
This is untrue. Your happiness begins with you as an individual. It is your job to know, understand, and establish what brings joy to your life. Without this knowledge, you'll aimlessly seek out companionship with the wrong mindset. You'll find yourself seeking happiness in someone else without knowing what it truly means for you. Not only this, if you rely solely on your partner for happiness, that places a massive amount of pressure on them. In turn, this will make them miserable. Define happiness for yourself. Take some time every day to do something you love on your own terms. Develop a mindset of joy and happiness. Read God's Word daily to discover the joy of being His child and to experience the love He has for you. Learn to live and walk in joy daily, and the companionship you need and deserve will find its way to you.
2. Singles are Lonely
There are many ways to define loneliness—a state of mind, lack of companionship, craving human contact, or feeling alone. Anyone can experience loneliness at any point in their life, even those in relationships. Loneliness is not limited to singles simply because they do not have a steady companion. Believing or saying that singles are lonely is a falsehood. Being lonely is a common experience for everyone. It can be combatted by spending quality time with loved ones, loving yourself, or creating new habits that bring you joy.
3. Singleness Equals Misery
Singles are not unhappy. There are many unmarried individuals who are living meaningful and productive lives. They have amazing careers, strong and stable friendships, hobbies, and gratifying social lives. They are single by choice because they have discovered the beauty of this season of life and are taking full advantage of this time; they aren't in any rush to get married.
4. You're Unapproachable or Too Intimidating
To say that someone is intimidating or unapproachable is understandable. However, if you perceive someone as hard to approach, is it that the person is unapproachable, or is it a lack of confidence? It takes confidence to approach anyone. If you're single and constantly being told that you're intimidating, don't change. You are not the issue. The fact that someone thinks you're difficult to approach is not your problem; it's theirs. This is not to say that you should walk around with a frown on your face, nor is it to say that you should walk around smiling. However, it is to say that if someone wants to approach you, they will.
5. There's a Lack of Good Men/Women to Have Relationships With
Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of good men and women to have viable, spirit-led, productive relationships with. People tend to project their bad experiences with dating and past relationships onto others. Unbeknownst to them, it places doubt about love and relationships in the minds of others. It can crush their hopes of finding love, take the fun out of dating, and create a sense of pressure to be a good person to have a relationship with. There are good single men and women to have relationships with. The key to understanding this is to keep these simple things in mind:
- No one is perfect. Not even you. Don't seek perfection in a mate. You won't find it.
- Just because someone wasn't a good person in one relationship doesn't mean they won't be good in another one.
- Always assume good intentions. Give a person the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to doubt them.
- Keep an open mind when dating. Don't limit yourself to a small window or picture of who or what you believe the ideal mate is.
There are a plethora of good men and women to have relationships with. When it is your time, the right person for you will come along.
6. Marriage Will Make You Happy or Solve Your Problems
Marriage is a ministry ordained by God. It is a walk together in the world as one. It is a partnership designed by God. While marriage brings about a certain level of joy, it takes work that you must be willing to do for both party's happiness. If you enter it with the wrong expectations, you may be headed for disappointment.
7. You Should Be Married at a Certain Age
Is there a scripture in the Bible that says this? If so, where is it? Many singles are led to believe that there is a particular age you must be married by. This myth stems from the belief that you can't enjoy marriage after a certain age. Of course, this is an untruth. If marriage is in God's will for your life, He will bring you and your mate together when He sees fit. Putting an age limit on marriage places a limit on God and His omnipotence. If you're a believer, you should be confident in His plan and timing with everything for your life.
8. Being Single Is Easy
It is not. Those in relationships created the presumption that singles have an easy life. People believe singles do not have as much responsibility as those with families. Not true. Just because a person does not have familial or relational obligations does not mean they don't have other commitments. Relationships are hard. Being single is hard. Life is hard. There are ups and downs no matter your relationship status. Make the best of it and be content where ever you are.
9. Your Standards are Too High
There is no such thing as having standards that are too high. However, there is such a thing as having unreasonable standards or none at all. Many singles are told that they require too much or too little from someone. The more you grow as a person, your expectations for relationships should change, but you want to be sure they are reasonable. Take some time to reflect on what you desire from your relationships. Make a list of things you're willing to negotiate, things you're not ready to negotiate, and pray that they are realistic. No matter what you write on your list, make sure it reflects the relationship you desire and not someone else.
Singles across the globe have been subjected to these and other lies. Lies can only blossom into the truth if you allow them to. The way to combat them is to know what God says about you, love yourself, and know that being single is a gift. There is no rush to change your relationship status, and that's the truth.