Conflict in Marriage: A 5-Day Bible Study to Help You Fight Fair

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Day One: Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is one of the best ways to handle conflicts within your marriage. Through counseling, you and your spouse will learn healthy ways to communicate with each other, work through problems, and address issues. Taking time for marriage counseling is non-negotiable. It can save you from future unhealthy conflicts.

A marriage counselor is a trained professional who will be able to help you and your spouse with problems that arise within your marriage. You can trust them to provide thoughtful support. Within a few sessions, you might notice improvement in your marriage. If you are hesitant to try marriage counseling, ask yourself, “Why am I doubtful of marriage counseling?”

Those who seek out marriage counseling show their desire to improve their marriage, deepen their bond with each other, and be able to learn how to handle conflicts in a healthy way. There is no shame or embarrassment about wanting to cultivate your marriage. Let go of any stereotypes you have tied to marriage counseling and choose to schedule a session today.

Challenge Questions:

• How are you and your spouse currently working through conflicts?
• Are you willing to try marriage counseling? Why or why not?
• What are a few stereotypes you must let go of surrounding marriage counseling?

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, please help my spouse and me to be open to going to marriage counseling. I see how helpful it can be to our marriage, and I want to take this step today. Please help us find a good marriage counselor who can help us with our marriage struggles. My spouse might be doubtful, but help them open their heart to trying marriage counseling. I praise You, Lord. Amen.”

Day Two: Praying for Your Spouse and Praying Together

By praying for your spouse and praying together, you can work through most conflicts. When you are praying for your spouse, ask the Lord to help you and your spouse come to a resolution. Pray that He will bless you both with forgiveness and a desire to move forward (Ephesians 4:32). Many things can cause conflicts, but we don't need to allow them to control our lives.

Work through troubles with your spouse and allow the Lord to move through the situation. God is fully trustworthy, and He will equip you and your spouse with the resources you need to reach conflict resolution (Psalm 145:13). As you are praying to the Lord, allow your spouse to be involved. Ask your spouse if they want to join you in prayer. Even if they say no, you can continue to pray for them. However, if they say yes, pray together.

You and your spouse will be able to reach a deeper connection with one another when you are both sitting before the Lord in prayer. God delights to see us turn to Him in prayer. When you are praying together, you can openly talk about concerns you want God and your spouse to know about. Be still for a few minutes after you finish praying to give your spouse time to share anything they are feeling. When they are ready, they will also pray, and you can start moving toward conflict resolution.

Challenge Questions:

• Are you praying for your spouse daily? Why or why not?
• What is holding you back from praying with your spouse?
• What changes in your marriage have you noticed since you started praying together and for each other?

Prayer:

“Jesus, I am coming before You today with a heart of prayer. Please help my spouse and me work through this conflict in a healthy way. Help me to pray for my spouse daily. I also ask that you help us begin praying together as a team. Thank You, Lord. Amen.”

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Day Three: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Communication is key within marriage. A marriage without communication is a marriage without true vulnerability. If you and your spouse are not effectively communicating, your marriage will suffer. Spouses can cultivate better communication by taking time to talk and listen to each other. Being vulnerable in conversations will help your marriage grow.

If you don't feel comfortable communicating your needs or worries to your spouse, you will feel very alone. If this is happening to you daily, try to seek out better ways to communicate with your spouse. It is all too common to blame our spouse for communication issues when it is both of our faults. While your spouse has a harder time with communication, you can also seek out clearer communication in your own life.

Clearly articulate your worries, concerns, and thoughts to your husband or wife. Wives, men tend to have a harder time with this, so try to encourage them to communicate more. Many men are not sure how to communicate their feelings or concerns. Nudge them in the right direction and do your best to communicate in a positive way back. Proper communication can prevent many future arguments and disagreements.

Challenge Questions:

• Are you effectively communicating with your spouse?
• Do you feel comfortable sharing your worries and concerns with your spouse? Why or why not?
• In what ways can you encourage your spouse to be open with their feelings?

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, help my spouse and me to do better at communicating with each other. I must admit, I’m not the best at communication myself; I acknowledge my need to do better in this area of life. Help me improve my communication with my spouse and be a better partner. Thank You, Amen.”

Day Four: Be Open to Listening to Their Side

As your spouse is opening up to you, you need to be open to listening to their side of things. Never assume you are always in the right and that your spouse is always in the wrong. Choose to be open and listen to their perspective.

By taking a few minutes to listen, you might be surprised at how quickly conflict resolution comes. A listening ear can do wonders and will ensure your spouse feels heard, validated, and seen. The more you take time to listen to their voice, the more they will be open to hearing your side of things. This, in turn, will be a catalyst for solving conflicts and preventing more in the future.

Challenge Questions:

• Are you open to listening to your spouse’s perspective? Why or why not?
• What are some ways you can seek out your spouse’s perspective?
• What are a few ways you can help your spouse to feel heard, validated, and seen?

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, help me to listen to my spouse’s side of things. I don’t need to be unsympathetic to their feelings or needs. Even when I’m upset or angry, please help me to listen to their point of view. Help them be open to my point of view, too. Amen.”

Day Five: Never Be Afraid to Be Honest with Your Feelings

Additionally, don't be afraid to share your feelings with your spouse—this can help resolve conflicts. Share your feelings with your spouse and be honest about your opinions. If the conflict is making you feel worn out, overwhelmed, or unloved in your marriage, tell your spouse. Keeping these feelings bottled up will only encourage a volcano of emotions to erupt soon.

Share your feelings now and avoid harboring bitterness or resentment. Be honest with your spouse. Even though you are facing conflict issues right now, your spouse still loves you just as you love them. Enable love to bring you and your spouse together rather than allowing the conflict to tear you apart.

Lean on God during this time and ask for His help. The Lord does not want to see you and your spouse struggling with so many issues. While it is true that none of us can avoid all conflicts, we can work through most of them with God's help. Allow God to help in your situation today. Remember that God brought you and your spouse together (Genesis 2:24). Do not allow a conflict to cause your marriage to suffer any longer.

Handling conflicts proactively cultivates a stronger marriage. There will still be disagreements; however, you will be able to work through them. Place these conflicts at the foot of the cross and allow God’s will to be done. He will equip you and your spouse with everything you need to work through this and any future problems.

Challenge Questions:

• Do you feel you can be honest with your spouse about your feelings? Why or why not?
• Have you ever withheld your feelings from your spouse? Did anger, hurt, or bitterness rise inside your heart?
• What are a few ways you can find support in God during this time?

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, I am often afraid to share my feelings. Please help me to be more vulnerable and to share my authentic feelings with my spouse. I know that if I never do this, my marriage will suffer. Please help my spouse to also be honest with their own feelings and share them with me. In Your Name, I pray, Amen.”

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