When the String Snaps | Part 2

Adrian Rogers: What's the wisest thing to remember when stress invades the home? Listen to Adrian Rogers. You know, when we have strife, so many times it's not because we have problems. Everybody has problems. Every family has problems. But you see, families that deal with problems the right way learn to attack the problem and not one another. Sit down and walk in wisdom. Try to understand the other person. Try to see it from their viewpoint. Empathize, sympathize, understand. Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring profound truth simply stated by Adrian Rogers. When husbands and wives play the parts God has equipped them to play in their marriage, there's not mere melody, but wonderful harmony. In part one of today's message, we learned that one of the greatest obstacles to the music of marriage is tension in the home. Too much stress is dangerous to your home, your health, and your happiness. Proverbs 15 reveals four things to relieve stress in our families. If you have your Bible, turn there now, as Adrian Rogers reveals what to do when the string snaps. Now today I want to talk to you on this subject, when the string snaps. I'm really talking about tension in the home. Now look if you will, beginning in verse 13. "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge, but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness. All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox, that is filet mignon, and hatred therewith. A wrathful man stirreth up strife, but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns, but the way of the righteous is made plain. A wise son maketh a glad father, but a foolish man despiseth his mother. Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom, but a man of understanding walketh uprightly. Without counsel purposes are disappointed, but in the multitude of counselors they are established." I'm going to stop reading there, but I want you to notice some words. Just if you don't mind marking your Bible, verse 13, sorrow. Verse 15, afflicted. Verse 16, trouble. Verse 17, hatred. Verse 18, strife. Verse 22, disappointed. Now all of these are almost synonyms for strife. Just strife or tension or stress, I suppose. All of these are times when the fiddle string gets too tight. Now, I think one of the major obstacles to the music of marriage is tension in the home. It is stress and strife. Stress is related to raising your voice. It is related to raising your pulse and raising your children. I mean, if you've got children, you have stress just built in. And look at these words again: sorrow, affliction, trouble, hatred, strife. All of these are stress words. And being in today's home, dear friend, I want to tell you the string can get mighty tight and sometimes it can snap. Now not all stress is bad. I mean, it takes certain tension to make the violin play at all. You've got to have some stress. But I'm telling you, dear friend, that too much stress is dangerous to the home, it's dangerous to the health, and obviously then it's dangerous to our happiness. So I want to give you four things. Four things now, just to relieve stress in your home. Just to put the music of marriage back there when the string gets so tight, when the upright gets so up tight that the string snaps. Now, if you're so stressed up that you don't know what to do, that is, you're all stressed up and nowhere to go, I want you to pay attention because we're going to go to the word of God. And this passage from the Book of Proverbs that deals with stress has four very wonderful, wonderful, wonderful admonitions for your home, my home, your heart and my heart. Number one, and you'll be surprised at this, learn to laugh. Just learn to laugh. Look if you will in verse 13, a merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance. Have you ever seen people that claim to be saved, but they look like they have a gallbladder attack? I mean if they have a merry heart, the Bible says it's going to show up on the face. A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. Now when it says the spirit is broken, what it means is the string snaps. The spirit, that's the wellspring of life. That is the true inner man. And when that spirit is broken, the zest, the enthusiasm, the spark, the thrill, the fight is gone out of life. But good wholesome laughter is a gift from God. And Abraham Lincoln said one time that God must have meant for us to laugh or else he would not have made so many mules and parrots and monkeys and human beings. God wants us to laugh. Not only learn to laugh, but number two, cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment. Look if you will now, beginning in verse 16. The Bible says, "Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." What is it talking about? Well, our Lord is just telling us that so many of us are uptight because our value system is wrong. We always think we have to have more and more and more. And we think that the house, the gourmet food, the toys, the travel, these things are going to bring happiness. But many times the striving for these things is what brings tension into the home. Now let me give you two scenes here that's pictured in the Bible and see if I can update them a little bit. First of all, here's a small apartment and the husband comes home from work. The mama has been fixing the meal. And so they sit down around the kitchen table. Now, there's no linen tablecloth on there. They're plastic placemats. And the dishes don't necessarily match. As a matter of fact, some of them are chipped. There's no silver, it's stainless steel, and some of the forks are bent just a little bit. They're paper napkins there on the table. The furniture is chipped a little bit. And the children come and sit around the table. And mama has been cooking and they're having tonight a vegetable plate. Just what the Bible calls here, a dinner of herbs. And here's this little couple sitting there and the dad reaches out and they take hands together and he thanks God for their home. He thanks God for their love and and he blesses the Lord and says amen. And then he talks about Susie's grades at school and says, "Susie, you did real good." And they talk about old Fido the dog a little bit and talk about what dad did and somebody cracks a joke and they all laugh and they just all are having a wonderful, wonderful time, praising the Lord and enjoying one another. Just a little apartment. Now here's another scene the Bible gives us. Here's a great big mansion, big big columns out in front, expensive automobiles parked out in front. Inside is plush carpet, you almost turn your ankle walking on it. And you go in there and those polished entryway and those hand-rubbed wooden walls and great beautiful paintings there that are hanging up. And there's a big long table and on the table first of all is, you know, the order hor d'oeuvres and then there's the appetizer and there's all of the china and the crystal and the silverware all laid out there. And over here is a woman with a face like a hatchet, cold. And over here is a man sitting over here and he's haggard from his work. And here are surly children sitting around the table. They don't stop to ask the blessing. And in comes the smoking roast and in comes the asparagus and in comes the iced tea with the mint in it and so forth. And all of these delicately prepared things. And after a while the servant comes in and brings an exotic dessert and after dinner coffee. But there are cutting remarks and sarcasm. Maybe if there are guests, there's a politeness that's a measured politeness. Which home would you rather be in? Friend, I would 10 times 10 more rather be in that little apartment. I mean that with all of my heart. That big home without love can be a curse. After that meal they say, "Where's the Pepto-Bismol? Where are the Tums?" I am not saying that you can't be rich and have love. Some of the sweetest homes I know of have all of those things and love included. And if you've got it, I'm so grateful for you and it's a gift of God and enjoy it. God gives us richly all things to enjoy. I'm not against you having nice things. But I'm just saying, dear friend, you better get your values straight. You better find out what really matters. Listen, "Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a vegetable plate where love is than filet mignon." That's what this verse is saying here in verse 17. Get your value system straightened out. You beware of the tyranny of things. Listen to First Timothy chapter 6 verse 6. "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothes, let us therewith be content. But they that will be rich." It doesn't say they that are rich. But those who have set their mind on being rich. Have you ever done that? Mr., you are in great danger. "They whose determination is to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lust which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil." He doesn't say money is the root of all evil. It is the love of money, which is the root of all evil. Every now and then some graduation commencement speaker will tell boys and girls, "Now, just make all the money you can just so you make it honestly." Boy, that's the worst advice I've ever heard. If you're trying to make all the money you can, then you're going to be making money when you ought to be doing something else. You're going to be making money when you ought to be praying or going to church or or be with the children or maybe in the park trying to teach your boy how to fly a kite. Listen, nobody should have a goal to make all the money he can. Sure, he has to provide for his family. But when you determine that you're going to be rich, at that moment you put yourself in a very vulnerable position. Listen, cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment. "The love of money is the root of all evil." That literally means all kinds of evil. "Which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." Oh, look back at chapter 15 if you will, Proverbs and look in verse 6. "In the house of the righteous is much treasure, but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble." Look if you will in chapter 15 verse 27. "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house." You girls who are not yet married, let your pastor give you some advice. It's far better to marry a man who's worth a million than that doesn't have a cent than to marry a man who has a million, not worth a cent. You find out what the character of that man is. See if he loves God. Listen, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." Having food and clothing, be content. That doesn't mean that you can't try for more. It doesn't mean that God doesn't want you to prosper. The Bible says God takes pleasure in the prosperity of his servants. But you learn to be content with whatever you have and praise God. And if you don't, I can tell you, before long, the string is going to snap and that big house won't mean anything to you, not a thing. All right, number three. Number three. First of all, learn to laugh. Number two, cultivate contentment. Number three, alleviate anger. Alleviate anger. Look if you will here in verse 18. "A wrathful man stirreth up strife, but he that is slow to anger." Do you see that underscored? "He that is slow to anger appeaseth strife." And another word for strife is stress. And learn, dear friend, just to alleviate anger. Now all anger is not bad. Jesus was angry, but he was angry at the right things. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 26, "Be angry and sin not." But oh, my dear friend, the Bible says here to be slow to anger. Proverbs 14:17 says, "He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly." Proverbs 18:13 says, "He that answereth a matter before he hears it, it's a folly and a shame to him." Proverbs 29:20 says, "Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words, there's more hope for a fool than of him." Be slow to anger. And listen, the way to control your anger is to control your words. Look again if you will in chapter 15 verse 1. "A soft answer turneth away wrath." Do you know the thing I have to watch? I have to watch what I say. Because what I say, one word just builds the next word and that builds the next word and it gets worse and worse. Learn to control your speech. The Bible says, "Be slow to anger." You say, "Well, I can't control it, pastor. I just can't control it." You're a liar. You can control it. You know, you get in a home and husbands and wives are just snarling and fighting and snapping and down one another's throat. Their voices are are full of hostility. And then, right in the middle of that kind of an argument, the phone rings. And you go to the phone and say, "Hello." So sweet and nice. You can control it. And, friend, you'd better learn to control it because if you don't control it, you're going to get out of control. I mean, just your very speech. Learn to alleviate anger and watch what you say. I heard of a man pushing a baby carriage and he said, "Easy, Harold. Easy, Harold. That's a boy, Harold. You're doing fine, Harold." And somebody said, "It's just so wonderful the way you're so patient with little Harold." Oh, he said, "No, no. He's Albert. I'm Harold. Easy, Harold." Learn to control that speech. Now, if you would have a home full of music, learn to laugh, cultivate contentment, alleviate anger, and last of all, walk in wisdom. Look if you will in verses 21 and 22. "Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom. But a man of understanding walketh uprightly. Without counsel purposes are disappointed, but in the multitude of counselors they are established." Now, friend, if you'll bring the wisdom of God into your home, stress in the home is just simply a sign that you have forsaken the wisdom of God. God is not the author of confusion. God gives wisdom. Now, in order for the family to have wisdom, the family has to come together in a family council. Notice in verse 22, "In the multitude of counselors, this wisdom is established." You need as a family to come together. You know, I'm at the age now where I'm looking to see if I had it to do over again, what would I do? I can tell you one thing, I definitely believe I would do, would have more family councils. Now, we had family worship. But I would bring the family together. I would bring my children together and I would let them understand what is happening in our family to a greater degree, where we would sit down and I would hear them and we would as a family say that everything that we have belongs to us equally. We have the amenities and we have the responsibilities equally. And we would learn to make decisions together. We would make a family budget. Everyone would have an an allowance and we would stick to it. We would make decisions as a family about discipline, about all of these things together. Now, of course, dad has to be the leader of the band. But my dear friend, if you would take the strife out of your home, learn as the father or if yours is a single parent family, you are the head, bring those children together and sit down together and talk it out. You know, when we have strife, the reason we have strife so many times is not because we have problems. Everybody has problems. Every family has problems. But you see, families that deal with problems the right way learn to attack the problem and not one another. Sit down and walk in wisdom. Try to understand the other person. Try to see it from their viewpoint, from your child's viewpoint. Try to sit where the child sits. See it through the child's eyes. Empathize, sympathize, understand. Sometimes a little paper boy is a better psychologist than a husband. Sometimes a husband will come home and his wife will snap at him and growl at him and snarl at him. And he just picks up some verbal club and hits her back. Little paper boy gets a new house on his route and a dog comes out snapping and growling and snarling. That boy knows he has to deliver that paper there every morning. He doesn't want to make an enemy of that dog. So what he does, he doesn't pick up a stick and throw it at that dog. Not if he's a smart paper boy. He'll he'll just kind of try to make a friend of that dog and and kind of just walk over and, "Come here, boy." Get his hand on his head just a little bit and rub him and scratch him behind the ear a little bit and just pat him a little bit. Do that every day and after a while, the dog will come out wagging his tail. That dog doesn't know the paper boy. He he's threatened by the paper boy a little bit. And what the dog really wants is affection. Mister, when you come home and your wife is snapping and growling, what she's really saying is, "Show me some affection. Show me some love." See, maybe things have gone terrible for her. Maybe she's threatened. Maybe she's fearful. Try to understand what is bothering her, like the paper boy tries to understand the dog. And try to understand yourself when you come home in a bad mood and rip off at the wife. Is it really her that you're upset with? Or is it the boss or that guy that headed you off at the expressway? Sit down at the family council and talk it out. Just talk it out. Attack the problem, not one another. And when you when you come to these places where there's a multitude of counselors and there's a difference of opinion, as much as possible, give everybody in the family a chance to save face. You can disagree without being disagreeable. But do it all in the spirit of unconditional togetherness. I think I've told you before that I told Joyce, "If you ever leave me, I'm going with you." I mean, together we do it. Friend, when all else fails, just read the instructions. Learn to laugh. Cultivate contentment. Alleviate anger. Walk in wisdom. And if you don't, the string is going to snap and the music's over. Father, thank you for your word that's so precious. Lord, I pray that you'll put the music back in our marriages and the melody back in our homes, the rhythm back in our walk. In Jesus name, amen.
Guest (Male): Amen. And maybe today as you're listening, your home is not all that it needs to be. There's stress there or some other fracture. Maybe there's a prayer request that you'd like to share with us. It's one of our great honors to come alongside you and pray with you and for you. The best way to let us know about what's going on is to go to LWF.org/radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. You'll find the option to submit a prayer request or pray for others. This is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another's needs. Again, go to LWF.org/radio and scroll down to our prayer wall today. Hi, this is Carrie Vaughn, and this program has been brought to you by Love Worth Finding, a non-profit ministry showcasing the powerful preaching and teaching of Pastor Adrian Rogers. We operate solely through the generous gifts of individual supporters just like you. To give a gift today, call 1-877-LOVEGOD. That's 1-877-LOVEGOD, or write to us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38-600, Memphis, Tennessee, 38183. You can also connect with us online by going to LWF.org/radio. There, we offer helpful resources inspired by the timeless teachings of Pastor Adrian Rogers. Additionally, you can sign up for daily emails, donate to the ministry, and learn more about how to become an ambassador of the word. Thank you so much for listening today. Be sure to join us next time for more profound truth simply stated right here on Love Worth Finding. When we hear stories of God at work, using Love Worth Finding, it is so encouraging. And a friend bravely shared these words, "I have been praying and studying the Bible for many years, but because of these messages, I have more faith and hope in Christ. I have felt God's presence in my life through many trials and sufferings. I hope to continue to follow Christ and learn more about the Bible through this ministry." Well, here at Love Worth Finding Ministries, our mission is to share the profound truth of the gospel so simply anyone can understand. And when you donate to the ministry right now, we'd love to send a copy of the newest book in our timeless truth series, Hope in Suffering. This book is packed with both theological and practical wisdom regarding pain and points readers to the hope of Jesus before, during and after the storms of life. Request a copy of the book when you call with a gift at 1-877-LOVEGOD.